Char sent me this today:
Caption from Wikipedia: “Chinchilla holding a sticker that he just removed from a squash.”
If chinchillas can take stickers off veggies and fruits better than I can, then I’m kind of obsolete now (that was pretty much my only contribution to the human race).
Last week Matthew told me that polar bear poo is white. (For those of you who don’t know, Matthew grew up in Alaska, which pretty much means he’s the expert on things like wrestling polar bears, ice fishing, and wrestling polar bears while ice fishing). Now polar bear poo is obviously not white (it’s purple), but I became painfully aware that should I ever find myself in an epic Alaskan Face-off* with Matthew, I would lose. Thus, I decided to train by consulting my fine foreign friend, Great Sir Captain of the former Soviet Union, Baron Wicky Peedya. After days of continuous, brutal training in dark, dank libraries across California, this is what I’ve learned:
I came into work today expecting to challenge Matthew to a dramatic, heart-wrenching Alaskan Face-off, but I received a cautionary note in my Inbox:
Alaskan face-off canceled.
*A battle of wits in which each contestant tries to one up the other with facts about Alaska.
I got into work at 7:30 AM this morning – lights were all off, everything was normal. Twenty minutes later Mike Leotta comes over to my desk and asks, “Have you seen my cube?” I say no and we walk to his cube. What do we find? Wysz curled in the fetal position asleep on the red couch. Why? Because he was afraid he wouldn’t wake up in time for the Webmaster Training at 10 AM. His solution? Stay awake the entire night. After explaining this to us, he sleepily asks: “Hey, do you guys like cupcakes?”
Oh Wysz.
A friend of mine pointed out last night that you have to be a registered WordPress user in order to comment on this blog. This was completely unintentional and has been fixed. I expect all of you to fill up my comments with compliments about me now.
Also, a couple people have asked how to subscribe – you can click here.
For those of you who want to know how to build an origami samurai helmet, you can click here.
A couple weekends ago, I was wandering through Barnes and Noble looking for a book to read in order to become more learned. No luck, but as I was prancing among the bookshelves I noticed a small display against the wall for Planet Earth. Intrigued, I moved closer. Now some of you may not know this, but I love aminals. I think they’re beautiful, majestic, delicious creatures. Planet Earth is one of my favorite DVD collections. Anyway, so I pranced toward the shelf and lo and behold, Planet Earth goodies! FOR ME!! Okay not really for me, but I was there and no one was around so it was kinda for me. There were some jigsaw puzzles, some notebooks, nothing spectacular… except PLANET EARTH MONOPOLY!! For $35, what a bargain! But I don’t actually like monopoly that much (it usually takes too long to play), so I didn’t buy it…. until now!! (I caved later in the week and bought it on Amazon from a store named Baby Universe, which contrary to what you might think, isn’t a universe of babies but is merely the name of a store). I haven’t actually opened the game yet (it’s still in the shrinkwrap) but I’ve been reading the back of the box. I am now the proud owner of 6 CUSTOM pewter tokens made specifically for this version of the game. Can you guys guess what 6 animals they are? (Mike Leotta you aren’t allowed to play because I already played this game with you on the shuttle). Here, I will give you hints (highlight to see the answers):
Animal #1: This animal was seen as a symbol of strength when it moved an island in the 1967 movie Doctor Dolittle.
Answer: Blue whale
Animal #2: This animal was recently listed as a threatened species earlier this year.
Answer: Polar bear
Animal #3: This animal is widely publicized for its long-lasting, homosexual relationships in the wild.
Answer: Penguin
Animal #4: This animal has adapted to its cold environment by developing a thick, long coat and is known for using its long tail to balance.
Answer: Amur(snow) leopard
Animal #5: This animal is featured on the coat of arms for the country that it’s native to.
Answer: Kangaroo
Animal #6: Scientific research has shown that this animal communicates by producing vibrations in the ground with its feet.
Answer: Elephant
If any of you can guess all 6 animals, I will be incredibly impressed and gift you the Wysz as a prize.
I realized today that I really haven’t written anything substantive in a long while, so I decided to… not start today either. But soon! Maybe when I become convinced that I’ve somehow tricked people into reading this blog. In the meantime, I thought I’d give you guys a reason to stop smoking (courtesy of my friend who studied abroad in Japan last year):
Based on what I can make out, it’s a sign discouraging people from throwing their cigarette butts in the snow. Because then small children roll them into snowmen. Snowmen that get crushed by men wielding incredibly large cigarettes!! AHHH!!
I also realized that I often giggle while writing blog entries. Good times.
Beah: Where are my cupcakes!
Wysz: New York is so much better than Old York.
(Upon Mike’s return from the bathroom)
Wysz: How’d your meeting go?
Mike: Oh you know, it went well. Covered a lot of ground.
Wysz: I hope not. Cuz then the next person who has a meeting will be in a sticky situation.
Have you ever wondered what a group of savage pandas fighting for food looks like?
NOW YOU KNOW!!
So I had to wonder after seeing this picture what the pandas were being fed because it didn’t look like bamboo. So I did some research on The Internet, and although pandas are primarily herbivores, they’ll eat meat, fish, or eggs when they can find it. Furthermore, since pandas in captivity subsist primarily on bamboo, some zoos provide the pandas with dietary supplements. In biscuit form. That’s right, even pandas have biscuits. PANDA BISCUITS!! Be sure to apply what we learned from Japan – don’t go wandering through any Chinese bamboo forests with pocketfuls of panda biscuits.
A little while ago I went backpacking in Japan with my summer roommate Lindsay. We spent about two weeks taking the shinkansen up and down Japan, from Tokyo to Miyajima. Anyway, we took 234,379,002* pictures during the trip and I’d forgotten about them… UNTIL NOW!!!! I thought it’d be fun to do a series of posts about some of the highlights of the trip. Unfortunately it was so long ago that I can’t remember in what order we went to places or even what some of the places are. Thus, I have committed to writing haphazardly and in no particular order. Unless otherwise noted, all pictures were taken by either myself or Lindsay. To begin, we will take a look at Japanese deer.
In Japan, tame deer like to hang out around temples and parks.
Cute, right? … WRONG!!!
Japanese deer are vicious, vicious man-eating monsters!! Why are Japanese deer particularly ferocious (more ferocious than American man-eating deer)? Because of circular goods spawned from the darkest depths of human culinary achievement: deer biscuits.
Hawked near any major temple or park, shika sembei (or deer biscuits) are circular cookies that are apparently ridiculously delicious to deer. So delicious that the deer start trying to eat anything that might even remotely be a biscuit.
Exhibit 1: I am at Todaiji (a temple in Nara) with my map (yellow thing tucked in armpit)**. Deer approaches.
View from a different angle:
I manage to get my map away from the deer, only to have a deer snatch it away from behind me. I sadly watch as said deer proceeds to try and eat my map.
Having fake biscuits is pretty bad, but check out what happens when you have real biscuits:
So let this be a lesson to you, weary traveler – when in Japan, beware of the deer!
Next post we’ll talk about Todaiji, home of Japan’s largest buddha!
* Number is entirely made-up.
** Do not judge me for putting my map in my armpit. I needed both hands free to fight off the deer.
*** Just in case you’re curious, the sign says that deer with antlers or deer whose antlers have been cut off are dangerous. Because they eat people. (Okay I added the last part). But seriously.
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